Commentary: COVID-19 has killed some friendships - but that’s okay
SINGAPORE: This pandemic will reveal your real friends. Pay attending to who reaches out.
Fifty-fifty earlier the coronavirus strengthened its hold on Singapore in March, this sentiment was rife on social media.
The seemingly straightforward argument parrots the platitude that crisis reveals character: These are crude times, then the people who check in are those worth keeping in our lives.
Granted, there is a modicum of truth. Everyone treasures agile, two-way friendships, where both parties work to proceed the friendship going in good and bad times. These friendships should be effortless only intentional, so neither party has to worry almost it fading.
Under the circuit breaker, these friendships would've ideally manifested in frequent Zoom calls or increased text messages that act as temporary stand-ins for the monthly grab-upwardly over food and drink.
Understandably, if these supposedly solid friendships petered out when y'all most needed them, you might feel resentful.
Only, just so we're on the same folio, we are in the centre of a pandemic.
PUTTING A Suspension ON FRIENDSHIP
Considering how 2022 has upended the economic system and our general lives, it'd be nice if we could collectively call for friendship timeouts.
This doesn't hateful abandoning our nearest and dear, not least because it'due south crucial to lean on each other during this fourth dimension.
But perchance nosotros should abandon all expectations we volition be there for each other with the aforementioned pre-pandemic intensity.
READ: Commentary: Nosotros cannot allow COVID-nineteen to disrupt our relationships likewise
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While we're individually drowning in pools of uncertainty and anxiety every day, information technology'd exist selfish and mildly sociopathic to test our friendships or expect the dynamics to remain the same.
Not merely should we cut our friends some slack, it'due south besides unrealistic to expect ourselves to continue living by these accented standards of friendship from the Old Normal.
I, for one, accept weeks where I'm anchored in a thick mental fog that I struggle to complete whatever work, reinforcing the full general feet around pandemic living. So forgive me only communicable up with friends, admitting expectedly cathartic, is a tad less important than trying to keep my caput in a higher place h2o.
Cutting ourselves some slack might mean we tin experience less guilty when we can't afford a few minutes to talk to supposedly skilful friends.
In reality, checking in with a friend requires mustering upwardly the mental and emotional bandwidth to actively listen and be there for them.
READ: Commentary: Why breaking up in the Facebook era is hard to do
Unlike family ties and romantic relationships, which come with a minimal sense of obligation, friendship is wholly opt-in. Fifty-fifty earlier COVID-nineteen, hard piece of work and intention were fully required to keep each other in our busy lives.
With friendships every bit tough as they are, the terminal thing we want is another arbitrary gold standard in friendship Olympics to attain for.
That said, it's inevitable that a crisis will sharpen our focus over our hierarchy of priorities. Rather than begrudge certain friends for not reaching out, however, I wondered why I hadn't reached out.
FRIENDSHIP IS A TWO-WAY STREET
During the excursion breaker period, I decided non to ask certain friends to hang out on Zoom or make plans to see them in the New Normal.
In the 3 tiers of friendship — primary, secondary, and third — these friends fell into the secondary and tertiary circles. From being in the same school clique to sharing relationship struggles, we'd been there for a season but now pb vastly different lives from one another.
Even when we hung out pre-pandemic, our meetups had started veering towards superficial topics and required the distractions of a concrete setting, like good nutrient, to ease u.s. into chat. The current friendship hinged on guilt, obligation and shared history.
So the thought of being on a 1-on-i video phone call felt unnatural and bad-mannered. Video chats experience oddly intimate — the COVID-xix version of later on-school phone calls that would stretch for hours, where we jumped from pining over crushes to complaining near family in a single session of vulnerability.
Even texting each other simply to catch up without having plans to meet felt stilted.
With these friends who savage past the wayside, I found myself unexpectedly content with remaining distanced acquaintances or letting the friendship die a slow death, precisely because I couldn't imagine u.s.a. developing the closeness that was necessary to weather condition uncertain times together.
Fifty-fifty later on the restrictions lifted in Phase 2, I nevertheless hadn't sought to rekindle the friendship or acquaintanceship, and neither had they.
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On the other hand, there were a couple of friends who'd gotten closer after the excursion breaker, because we'd made equal effort to agree onto each other through our darker days.
In some ways, it was distressing to realise COVID-19 sounded the death knell for some friendships, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't already felt the spark slowly burning out.
All I needed was a global pandemic to lay bare the truths I wasn't ready to confront — and the friends I'd willingly undergo some other circuit breaker for.
Well, maybe.
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Grace Yeoh is a senior announcer at CNA Insider.
Source: https://cnalifestyle.channelnewsasia.com/commentary/commentary-covid-19-has-killed-some-friendships-thats-okay-285591
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